


you are the answer i've waited for all of my life

by shellstrops



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F, elsa just is everything to me xoxo, maybe i am projecting. and what about it.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:20:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21580489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellstrops/pseuds/shellstrops
Summary: Love is a foreign and confusing thing, but Elsa knows is that she would be happy to look into Honeymaren’s eyes and hold her hand in hers until the end of the world. And though she may not know a thing of love, she certainly knows that that means something.
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 661





	you are the answer i've waited for all of my life

**Author's Note:**

> i just love elsa so so much and this is what came of that <3

Winter draws in. The nights are longer now, and the cold chill bites fiercely at Elsa’s skin. Her fingertips tingle in the cool December air. She feels more awake and alert than ever, like the cold has awakened a part of her that’s been asleep since last spring.

She pulls her scarf tight around her shoulders, not so much to protect from the cold as to protect from the world, and watches as Honeymaren kneels over the fire pit. Studies the way she slots the tip of her tongue between her teeth when she’s focused, drinks in the movements of her hands, the curve of her wrist to her palm, the half moon shape at the base of her fingernails. 

When the night’s crept in and the sky has painted itself in shades of blue and black and everyone’s asleep but them, these are the moments Elsa finds herself waiting for throughout the day. When it’s just the two of them and she can gaze at Honeymaren as long as she wants, features painted in moonlight as they slow dance with their eyes.

Honeymaren makes quick work of tending to the fire. She returns to sit back down next to Elsa, smiling and glowing, eyes shining golden in the firelight. Elsa she could look into those eyes forever. Honeymaren radiates warmth, comfort. Pure gold. 

Not the kind of gold you see in a jewelry shop. Not something you can purchase. Honeymaren is the type of gold you dig up from the ground, shiny and beautiful beneath the earth. That rare, special kind of gold that isn’t on display, but is hidden, raw, unaltered. Lucky and nearly impossible to find.

She nestles her body into Elsa’s side, resting her head upon her shoulder. Her skin is warm against Elsa’s which, by contrast, is freezing. She’s close enough that Elsa can feel her shivering. Her breath comes out as puffs of steam in the air.

“You don’t have to sit so close if you’re cold,” Elsa says quietly, inching away from her. “I won’t be offended, I promise.”

Honeymaren closes the distance between them and returns to her previous position, curled up into Elsa’s side. “I don’t mind it. I’m used to the cold.” 

But she’s got her knees pulled into her chest and her teeth chattering and Elsa knows she’s not being truthful.

“At least take this.” Elsa shrugs off her scarf and drapes it over Honeymaren’s shoulders. “I think you need it more than I do.”

“Thank you.” Honeymaren smiles gratefully, eyes so soft that Elsa thinks she might melt. It’s a sensation that’s come to feel familiar since she arrived in the enchanted forest all those months ago. That doesn’t make it any less exhilarating or terrifying though. 

Elsa casts her gaze out to the moon. She doesn’t want to run the risk of Honeymaren feeling the weight of her eyes on her or feeling how fast her heart races when she looks at her. She doesn’t want her to think anything of it. Because even Elsa herself doesn’t quite know what she thinks of it.

The way her stomach flips when she sees Honeymaren, how snowflakes start to flurry around her when she thinks about her, how her hands feel like they’re on fire when they brush against hers. She hasn’t yet untangled what it all means. Maybe she doesn’t want to untangle it, doesn’t want to know why she feels the way she does. It’s all too much. It would be so much simpler to push it to the back of her mind and ignore it. Better that than let anyone know the true magnitude of her feelings.

She’d always felt like a mistake. Since she was little, she knew she was a violent storm crashing into her mother and father’s lives. A hurricane tearing up the earth she walked on and taking everybody she loved with it. Dangerous, unpredictable, and just entirely wrong. 

But in the enchanted forest, surrounded by magic and trees that stretch on forever up towards the sky and with people who understand her, she feels as close to right as she’s ever felt. Something teetering just on the edge of happiness and freedom, as close as she’ll ever get, she figures. She doesn’t want to mess it all up by letting her feelings get away from her.

Still, it feels big. Crushing. Growing more and more, day by day, and Elsa knows she won’t be able to hide from it forever.

But she can hide for tonight, at least, she thinks as she sits with Honeymaren curled up against the curve of her body.

“Elsa,” Honeymaren says. Her voice is slow and gentle, like tiny ripples of the tide. Elsa can feel her breath, warm against her cheek. 

Elsa looks down at her, cheeks and nose flushed pink, eyes sparkling. “Yeah?”

Honeymaren’s fingers trace lazy circles on Elsa’s knee. “I’m really happy you’re here.” Her words are dizzying, almost intoxicating. Elsa could drown in the sound of her voice.

Her lips tug at a smile. “I’m happy I’m here too.”

Their eyes meet in the glow of the moon. Still, tender. Elsa feels a pull in her stomach like she’s losing her balance. Falling backwards into emptiness.

“Everything feels more alive,” Honeymaren says. “You, and your magic, it’s like… the forest is like a puzzle, and you arriving here was the final piece. You complete this place.”

Elsa doesn’t know what to say to that. She gives a soft laugh. Breaks their eye contact to look out to the forest. When she looks back, Honeymaren is still staring up at her, eyes blown wide.

“Truly. Your magic is so special. _You’re_ so special. I don’t think I ever told you that, but we’re all so lucky to have you here.” 

Elsa shakes her head, smiling down at her lap. “I’m the lucky one. I’ve never felt like I truly belonged anywhere until I got here.”

_Until I met you_ , she wants to say. But the words get caught in her throat. Expressing her feelings has never been Elsa’s strong suit.

Honeymaren takes Elsa’s hand in hers and it’s electric, the feeling of their fingertips against each other. It’s almost more than Elsa can handle. “You do belong here. The forest is always here for you. I’m always here for you. You know that.”

Elsa nods. “I know.”

Silence creeps in on them. A comfortable silence. Honeymaren tucks her feet behind her and shuts her eyes. When her breathing deepens, Elsa knows she’s fallen asleep. 

In the darkness, Elsa seeks answers. In the shadow of the moon. In the hesitant touch of her fingertips to Honeymaren’s arm. Honeymaren sleeps soundly, peacefully, like the forest, like the trees, while Elsa’s mind tosses and turns like the leaves in the wind.

Elsa gazes at her through heavy eyes, slowly dozing off. The dark shadows of her eyelashes cast upon her cheeks. The soft point of her nose. The curve of her lips. The rise and fall of her body as she breathes in and out. 

  
  


Elsa closes her eyes and holds the image of her peaceful, sleeping features in her mind as everything else fades away. 

* * *

The morning is clear and blue. The forest floor is damp beneath Elsa’s feet as she follows Honeymaren down the trail. 

Honeymaren’s collecting berries in a woven basket. Elsa, as always, is watching. 

She watches her, drawn to her like a magnet. Her skin sparkles in the early morning light, like she’s the sun itself. Perhaps, in a sense, she really is the sun what with how Elsa’s life has come to revolve around her.

She wonders if Honeymaren feels that same magnetism. Part of her hopes she does. The other part wants to turn and run away from it all.

She could do it if she wanted to. Let her body run away with her mind. Leave the forest and return to Arendelle. She could go back to her old home and her old life, pretending that she had never known this beautiful glowing girl. Or better yet, go back to the ice palace on the North Mountain and never see another person again, never feel anything for another person again.

But then she looks at Honeymaren and leaving is no longer something she can do. 

She wonders if she should bring up the way she feels. With long words and hand gestures and bright eyes, the way these things are always painted to be in her mind. But feelings are still something Elsa doesn’t quite know how to talk about. Let alone the type of feelings she has for Honeymaren. 

She’s scared. Of conversations and long words and answers to the questions bouncing around in her head. Questions that terrify her and answers that do even more.

She thinks about love. Not familial love, the kind she has for Anna, or platonic love, like she has for Kristoff and Olaf and Sven. She thinks about the kind of love she never dared to, the kind of love she always thought she must be incapable of.

Romance. The word echoes foreign in her mind. She thinks of how the way her mother’s eyes sparkled when she looked at her father, the same way Anna’s eyes sparkle when she looks at Kristoff. The warmth and joy that shines through their eyes, that’s how Elsa feels when she looks at Honeymaren.

Elsa doesn’t know if that’s allowed. If she’s allowed to look at a girl the way girls are always supposed to look at boys. But ever since Elsa was born, the normal rules did not apply to her. Maybe this is another one of those rules that she seems to be exempt from.

Down the trail, Honeymaren turns around to face Elsa. Elsa’s stomach does backflips. “Catch!” she calls out, tossing a handful of berries at her. 

Elsa tilts her head to the sky and catches one in her mouth. The rest fall to the ground around her feet. 

Honeymaren throws back her head and laughs. It’s exhilarating. She waits for Elsa to close the distance between them and then intertwines their fingers as they continue walking the path. “Stay close. I don’t like walking alone.” 

Her hands are warm and gentle. The summer breeze to Elsa’s winter storm. Elsa feels safe and secure just by being close to her.

“I haven’t taken you down this path before, have I?” Honeymaren asks. 

Elsa shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

Her lips tug at a grin. “Come on. You’re going to love this.”

She tightens her grip on around Elsa’s hand and starts running, pulling her along. They share a smile. The two of them. Laughing, like the world is theirs. Darting through trees and bushes, hair windswept and tangled, cheeks red from the cold.

The path comes to a halt at a clearing amidst the trees, with a clear blue stream running right through the meadow. Honeymaren sits herself down on a rock right beside the stream, legs dangling over the edge.

“I used to come here all the time as a kid,” she says, plucking a small white flower from the grass and opening a slit in the stem with her thumbnail. “I would sit here and make flower chains and splash around in the water for hours.”

Elsa looks around, taking in everything from the softness of the grass, to the gentle trickling of the stream, to the clear blue sky. “It’s beautiful,” she says softly. She kneels forward to run her hand through the icy water. 

“C’mere.” Honeymaren gestures to the grass in front of her. Elsa sits, cross legged, her back rested against Honeymaren’s legs.

Honeymaren’s fingers begin to weave in and out of Elsa’s hair. The last time anyone else did Elsa’s hair was the day of her coronation. After that, she just kept it in a single braid, or more recently, completely untouched, long and flowing. She’s surprised at how willing she is to let Honeymaren do whatever she wants to her hair.

As Honeymaren’s hands work their way through her hair, Elsa sits silent, conjuring up snowflakes and watching them slowly float to the ground. Conversation eluded them at times, but they found no reason to chase after it, as the silence was just as easy and comfortable. 

After a while, Elsa shuts her eyes and tips her head up to the sky, letting the sunlight shine directly on her face, warm, gentle. 

Maybe her feelings are messy, maybe her thoughts are complicated, maybe everything is confusing. Maybe nothing is perfect, but this feels like the closest thing to it. Being with Honeymaren. Being in nature, where she knows she’s meant to be. As long as she doesn’t spend too much time focused on the truth of her feelings for Honeymaren, as long as she just enjoys the moment, this feels like heaven.

“Done!” Honeymaren proclaims after what feels like both mere seconds and an eternity. Elsa’s eyes flutter open and she pulls her hair over her shoulder to admire Honeymaren’s work. 

She’s braided her hair intricately with white flowers woven through like fairy dust. Elsa has no idea how she managed to pull it all together so neatly and beautifully. 

“It’s gorgeous,” she whispers. “Thank you.”

Honeymaren smiles. Sun shining through the cracks. “I’m glad you like it. I didn’t know if the flowers were your thing.”

“They definitely are,” Elsa assures her. 

“They suit you.” Honeymaren's smile beams down on her as though sent down from heaven. 

Elsa feels her cheeks flush sunset pink. It’s delusional, but sometimes she thinks that maybe Honeymaren might feel the same feelings she does. Like when she touches her hand and feels electricity spark between them. Or when she compliments her, in a way that feels truly genuine. 

Elsa thinks it’s crazy, but sometimes she also thinks she might be right.

* * *

Upon returning from her morning walk with Honeymaren, Elsa finds a letter from Anna. 

_Charades tomorrow night. Can’t wait to see you._

_Love you._

Elsa smiles, holding the note to her chest, but just as quickly as the joy came, so does the anxiety, crashing over her like a wave. She nearly has to sit down. Her heart and mind are racing.

She hadn’t even thought about how she would explain all of this to her sister. What would Anna think? Would she be okay with it? What if she never wanted to see her again?

She takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself, but it does little use. Her hands are trembling, the ground around her has frosted over. There’s this knot in her stomach, an incessant ache tearing her apart until she’s scarcely able to breathe at all.

Leaning against a tree, she steadies herself. Her full body tingles, spreading from her chest. _It’ll be fine_ , she tells herself. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Besides, she doesn’t have to tell Anna anything. There’s really nothing to tell her, in fact, as her feelings have yet to turn into anything real. It’s all in her head. Anna doesn’t need to know. 

She repeats it like a mantra as she slowly regains the ability to breathe. _Anna doesn’t need to know._

* * *

The sun’s long gone down, and they lie there, curled into each other, one blanket draped around both of their shoulders. It’s become a tradition for them, staying up long past everyone else is asleep so they can be together, just the two of them. Heavy gazes and cold hands and warm breath in the winter air. 

Tonight, they’re quiet, both deep in thought. Elsa wishes she could turn her brain off just for a minute, but anxieties and fears have always laid heavy on her mind. She should be used to it by now.

Elsa runs her fingers along her braid. She still hasn’t taken it out since Honeymaren braided it earlier that day. Some of the flowers have fallen out, but other than that, it remains perfectly intact.

In the dark, when she thinks she’s not looking, Elsa looks at Honeymaren. She can’t take her eyes off her, no matter how hard she tries. Though, truth be told, she stopped trying long ago.

Honeymaren inclines her eyes to meet Elsa’s, startling her. “I know you’re staring at me.” 

Elsa fumbles for words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Honeymaren laughs, soft and slow. “You don’t have to stop. I don’t mind.”

So Elsa doesn’t stop. It’s a privilege, knowing she gets to study the ethereality of her features underneath the moonlight while everyone else sleeps soundly. No one else gets to drink in Honeymaren’s beauty, at least not in this moment. In this moment, it’s just the two of them and the moon spilling onto them like a spotlight.

And they sit there for a while, Elsa stealing glimpses of the Honeymaren hidden deep down in the dark, far from the public’s gaze. These moments are theirs and theirs alone.

Honeymaren cuts the silence like the first ray of spring sunlight melting through the winter ice. “Can I ask you something?”

Elsa would be nervous if Honeymaren’s eyes weren’t so soft. “Sure.”

“I see the way you look at me.” She doesn’t beat around the bush. “And I was wondering, have you ever wanted to kiss me?”

Elsa opens her mouth, then quickly shuts it before any words can escape. She wants to say yes. She wants to tell the truth. She craves it like ocean waves crave the shore. 

“I…” Elsa swallows. Notches the words in her lips like an arrow.

Honeymaren stares up at her, eyes wide. Waiting. 

Elsa doesn’t want to mess this up. Her friendship with Honeymaren feels so right, so natural, so perfect. She can’t ruin it. She wouldn’t know what to do if she didn’t have her friend anymore.

She recalls Honeymaren’s words from the previous night. _I’m always here for you_. That eases her a little bit. That, and the thought that she wouldn’t have asked the question if she wasn’t prepared for the answer.

She inhales. Exhales. Lets the arrow fly. “All the time.”

All at once, she regrets saying it. There’s no returning now, no going back to before she answered the question. She should have said no. Should have laughed it off and given a vague, inconclusive answer. Not this, anything but this.

But to her surprise, Honeymaren’s lips twitch at a smile. “So why don’t you?”

Elsa doesn’t breathe. She swears her heart is about to beat right out of her chest.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

Honeymaren rolls her eyes ever so slightly like she can’t believe the words coming out of Elsa’s mouth. She leans her head even closer, so their noses are almost touching. “How could I _not_ want you to kiss me?”

Elsa can feel her face heating up. She knows what’s supposed to come next in this situation, but she can’t do it. Doesn’t know how. She’s never kissed anyone in her life, besides quick pecks on the cheek with family members, and she knows that’s entirely different.

She looks at Honeymaren, and tries to keep her voice sounding steady and normal. “Do you want me to kiss you _now_?”

This time, Honeymaren fully rolls her eyes. “You are _impossible_ ,” she says. She throws her arms around Elsa’s neck and pulls her in, closing the distance between them.

Honeymaren’s lips melt into hers. She tastes like the night itself; the warmth of the moon and the sharp bite of the stars. Elsa can’t help but smile into the kiss, tentative and euphoric all at once.

She’s all bright eyes and giggles when they finally break apart. It’s only then that she notices the flurry of snow swirling around their heads. “Oh God, I’m sorry.” She laughs as she brushes away the snowflakes that have landed in Honeymaren’s hair. “I’m not too good at controlling it when I’m nervous, or happy, or anything really. Too much of any feeling and it just sort of…” She waves her hand at the falling snow.

Honeymaren’s giggling too now, eyes dancing in the pale moonlight. “It’s adorable.” She presses another quick kiss to Elsa’s lips. “ _You’re_ adorable.”

‘Adorable’ was never the first word that came to Elsa’s mind when she thought about her powers, but she would gladly take it.

Elsa tucks her feet behind her and lays down so her head is resting in Honeymaren’s lap. “What would I do without you?” she whispers. She doesn’t quite mean for Honeymaren to hear her, but she does anyway.

She laughs, stroking Elsa’s hair. “I have no idea.”

* * *

Elsa is hesitant to use the word ‘girlfriend’. They spent the night giggling and kissing and whispering secrets, but now, as she watches the sun creep up over the horizon, she wonders if this is a real and permanent thing. If they’ll kiss in the daylight, if they’ll be okay with anybody else knowing. 

She tells herself to stop. Stop worrying. Stop overthinking. They kissed. That’s a good thing. Whatever comes next, things are good right now.

Honeymaren sleeps peacefully beside her. With her index finger, Elsa traces the bridge of her nose, up and down. 

She stirs, and her eyes flutter. She smiles up at Elsa. Eyes heavy, stringing together songs of childhood dreams.

Foreheads together. Barely millimeters apart. Voice soft, Elsa whispers into her ear.

“Have you ever been ice skating?”

She’s only half awake, but she shakes her head. 

“I’m going to teach you today.” Elsa’s fingers brush dark strands of hair out of Honeymaren’s face to reveal the soft skin. Elsa wants nothing more than to kiss her, but the harsh daylight twists its arms between them, forcing them apart. They don’t have the darkness as a cover anymore. 

Bleary eyed and confused, Honeymaren yawns and rubs her eyes. “What?”

Elsa can’t stop herself from smiling. “Ice skating,” she says slowly, drawing her words out like string. “I’m going to teach you how to do it.”

“Ugh.” Honeymaren rubs her eyes. “Not now. It’s so early.”

It’s not, but given that they were up all night, Elsa decides to give in. “Not now,” she agrees, letting Honeymaren pull her closer under the blanket. If she were alone, she would normally elect to sleep without a blanket, but she would take any opportunity to be closer to Honeymaren. Warm skin, dark eyelashes, deep breaths in the cold. 

She lets her eyes close, and when she breathes in, the air tastes sweet and crisp like a rare dream that has yet to elude her.

* * *

They go out later that day when the sun is high in the sky. They go back to the meadow and follow the stream until they reach the point where it dumps out into a small pond surrounded by trees that stretch on for eternity.

Elsa stretches her hand out over the pond. Honeymaren watches, eyes blown wide with wonder, as the water freezes over. 

“It never stops being amazing,” Honeymaren says as she laces up her skates. “Your magic is incredible.”

Elsa laughs and steps out onto the ice. “I’m glad you think so.”

There’s still a shock that comes with knowing that people think of her magic as something positive, not something horrifying, dangerous, unpredictable. She’d been conditioned to feel ashamed of it, even though it’s been three years since she’d stopped hiding it, it still constantly weighs on her mind, cutting like a knife, pounding like the rain.

Honeymaren finishes tying her skates and drags herself to her feet, stumbling slightly. Elsa rushes forward to catch her. “Take it slow,” she says, holding her hands tight, guiding her onto the ice. 

“Are you sure this is safe?” Honeymaren starts to ask as her legs wobble.

Elsa laughs. “I promise you, it’s completely safe. It just takes a bit to get used to.”

“What if the ice breaks?” she challenges. She sounds like she’s trying to keep her tone serious but her eyes sparkle with silent laughter.

“It won’t break,” Elsa assures her. “I would know, I made it. And even if it did, I would rescue you.”

“You’d better.” 

Elsa spins her around, laughing at the way her braid trails after her, whipping around her head. 

Elsa pulls Honeymaren along, gliding in circles around the pond. Honeymaren’s hands are freezing in hers, trembling. Elsa squeezes them tighter to try and warm them up. Eyes locked. Hands intertwined. Laughter carried upon the wind. Love is a foreign and confusing thing, but Elsa knows is that she would be happy to look into Honeymaren’s eyes and hold her hand in hers until the end of the world. And though she may not know a thing of love, she certainly knows that that means something.

Honeymaren said that Elsa was the final piece that was needed to complete the enchanted forest. If that’s true, then Elsa thinks that Honeymaren is the final piece that was needed to complete her. It’s the way she swears the world gets a little bit brighter whenever Honeymaren smiles, and the light sprinkle of freckles across her nose, and the shadows on her face, and the pure joy that radiates from deep inside her. It’s all of these things that make Elsa believe so fiercely in the notion, that make her want to hold on tight and never let go. 

* * *

Elsa’s certain of one thing and one thing only, and that is that she’s Anna’s worst sister.

Granted, she’s Anna’s only sister, but there remains the horrible notion in the back of her head that _anyone_ would be a better sister than her. Because a good sister wouldn’t feel physically ill at the thought of letting her sister know about her love life. God knows they’ve had more than enough secrets over the years, and she had thought they’d surely put that behind them, but this thing with Honeymaren feels like something she can’t possibly tell anyone.

Add to that everything Elsa did to her when they were younger, and Elsa considers it a miracle that Anna even talks to her still.

She needs advice, she needs instructions, but how could she possibly find instructions for a situation like this? It’s not like she can just walk into the library and pick up a handbook for how to navigate falling in love with a cute girl in the woods.

So she skips dinner with Anna. It’s not quite intentional, but the thought of seeing her fills her with so much anxiety that she just can’t make herself go inside. Her feet have a mind of her own, leading her to the garden behind the castle. She spends dinner hiding out there, sat on a stone bench, picking flowers and twisting them together the way Honeymaren showed her. 

Time escapes her. She doesn’t realize how long she’s been out there until she hears footsteps approaching, jerking her back to reality. By now the sun’s almost fully gone down and the garden is bathed in a pink sunset glow.

She whips around, hoping to God it’s not Anna, yet also hoping that it is.

She’s lucky.

It’s not Anna.

It’s Kristoff.

He looks at her with a funny look on his face like he doesn’t quite know what to make of her. “Elsa?” he twirls her name around his lips, trying to make it fit. “Does Anna know you’re here?”

Elsa stares at him. She realizes in this moment just how few one on one interactions she’s had with her sister’s fiancé. It’s not that she’s uncomfortable with him, but she just has no idea what she can say to explain the situation.

She tells the truth.

“No.” Her eyes plead with him silently, _please don’t tell her._

They stand there, faces blank, neither one knowing what to say. Elsa’s somewhat relieved. At least he’s not going to interrogate her.

“She thinks you’re not coming anymore,” Kristoff finally says. “Since you missed dinner and everything. Should I tell her you’re missing charades too?”

Elsa shakes her head. “No… no. Just don’t mention anything about me. Please.” 

Kristoff doesn’t look all too pleased with the idea, but he nods, going along with it. “Okay.”

Neither of them make any motion to leave. It’s like they’ve started something, and neither of them can go back inside until it’s done. “Are you…” Kristoff starts to ask, but trails off, laughing nervously.

Elsa lifts an eyebrow. 

“...okay?” he finishes.

Elsa laughs too, the same nervous laughter. That’s a question she can’t even begin to answer. But Kristoff stands there expectantly, waiting for an answer anyway. 

“I’m alright,” she finally says. 

Kristoff offers her a smile, but it’s to the tune of ‘I’m sorry’. Pity. That’s the last thing Elsa wants.

“Why did you skip dinner?” he asks. 

Elsa drags out a sigh. “It’s complicated. You wouldn’t get it.”

“Maybe I would,” he offers, but even he knows it’s not true. 

It’s then that he crosses the distance and sits down next to Elsa on the bench.

“It’s just that Anna’s worried about you,” he explains. “I don’t know why you don’t want to see her, but whatever it is, you should talk it out with her. Otherwise it’ll just get worse.”

Elsa shakes her head. She’s scared. Scared that Kristoff knows, even though that’s impossible. But sitting this close to her, she worries that he can almost sense it on her, read what’s on her mind. That he can look at her lips and know that they’ve kissed Honeymaren’s.

But Kristoff is there, and he wants to help.

Elsa takes a deep breath. When she exhales, she hopes to exhale everything with it, all of her anxieties and fears, pushing them out, far away from her. “I have this problem,” she begins.

Kristoff doesn’t say anything. Just stares and listens.

The words feel like they don’t belong on her lips. She never thought she would be sitting here spilling her soul to Kristoff, but the universe has a funny way of throwing her into situations she never could have predicted.

“There’s something… really good that’s happened to me,” she says. “I don’t know how to tell Anna though. I’m scared… of what she’ll think. I don’t want her to think of me differently.”

She meets Kristoff’s eyes, wide and attentive. “But I can’t lie to her. So it’s easier to just not see her at all. That way I never have to bring it up.”

Kristoff quirks an eyebrow. Thinking, piecing it all together. His mouth slowly drops open. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” 

Elsa’s cheeks go red and she looks down at her feet. Her lips refuse to let any words slip through, so she just nods silently. 

Kristoff seems to be trying to cover his surprise, but is failing miserably. “Look,” he says. “I realize I don’t know the whole situation, but I can’t imagine Anna being anything but happy for you. She’s your sister. She’s not going to disown you just because you like somebody.”

She sighs. God, he’s oblivious, but there might be some truth in his words. Elsa doesn’t know what to do with that though. 

“It’s not…” Elsa bites her lip, wondering how to say what she wants to say. “It’s not just that I like somebody, it’s _who_ I like. 

Kristoff thinks that over. “But whoever it is, if this person makes you happy… I know Anna will be happy for you. She’s not a judgemental person. She just wants what’s best for you, whatever that may be.”

Elsa sincerely hopes that’s true. She knows he’s right that Anna’s not judgemental, but it’s still bound to be a shock to her.

She drags out a smile. Pulls herself to her feet. “You’d better be right.” She starts to set off towards the castle, but quickly turns to look back at Kristoff. “Thank you.”

She puts as much weight and meaning as she can into those two words and hopes it comes across.

“No problem,” he says, flashing a thumbs up. “And just, don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Elsa throws him one last grateful smile before turning and walking back through the garden.

* * *

She knocks gently on Anna’s door. Three times. Soft enough that there’s a chance she won’t hear it. That’s what Elsa secretly hopes for. 

But Anna’s voice calls out, “come in!” and Elsa finds herself twisting the doorknob, pushing open the door, stepping into the room. It’s almost involuntary, like if she had any control over herself, she would run away immediately.

Her steps feel heavier than usual. The ground sinks beneath her feet. 

Anna’s face lights up when she sees her. “Elsa!” She rushes to hug her. She smells like summer, the sweet breeze and clear skies. Elsa truly could cry.

“I’m sorry I missed dinner,” Elsa says. Soft, slow, taking her time. She has to get it right. She has to choose her words carefully. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

She wishes she could read Anna’s expression. It’s part concern, part pity, part curiosity, and Elsa’s not sure what that all adds up to.

“I just want to know you’re okay.” Anna’s hand is on Elsa’s arm, rubbing her shoulder. It’s calming. Comforting. It’s things like this that make Elsa terrified of losing her sister.

Deep breaths. In and out. Elsa can barely meet Anna’s eyes, but she forces contact.

“I need to tell you something.”

Anna stares up at her, eyes warm and familiar. “Anything,” she says.

Anything.

Maybe even this.

“Can we sit?” Elsa asks softly. She’s never this timid with Anna. It’s a new experience, and she doesn’t like it. 

They sit side by side on the edge of Anna’s bed. Knees almost touching but not quite. Elsa’s heart is thundering in her chest. She hopes Anna can’t hear it.

Anna’s hand reaches out to hold Elsa’s. “What’s wrong?”

Words elude her. There’s a disconnect between her brain and her mouth, where she has the world to say to her sister but her lips simple won’t let it out.

“Please, tell me what’s the matter,” Anna insists. “You’ve been acting weird, I can tell that something’s going on. Let me help.”

Elsa forces a small laugh, both an attempt to calm her nerves and to keep herself from crying. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this because… I just don’t want you to think of me differently, I don’t want to upset you or anything… God, I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”

Anna squeezes her hand. “You’re not being ridiculous. But you can talk to me about anything, you know that. That’s what sisters are for, Elsa.”

Elsa gives her hand a squeeze back. Takes a deep breath. And then takes control and lets the words fly free. “The thing about me acting weird, the reason I skipped dinner… it’s because I’ve been trying to think of how to tell you that I like someone.” She pauses for a moment, thinking. “Love someone, actually.”

Anna’s eyes are wide, dancing with excitement. “Elsa! Who is it?”

Elsa bites her lip. “It’s…” she trails off. Once again, unable to get the words out. “Guess.” It's the only way she can think to tell her, by getting her to say it on her own.

“Come on.” Anna rolls her eyes. “I only spent three days in the enchanted forest, I barely know half the people you know.”

“You know this person,” Elsa assures her. “You’ve met each other.”

Anna squints, the way she does when she’s thinking hard. “Ooh, is it Ryder? You two would be so cute together!” she says excitedly. 

“It’s not Ryder.”

Anna drags out a dramatic sigh. “Then who is it? I can’t guess. I give up.”

Elsa traces her finger over the patterns on Anna’s bed cover. “I’ll give you a hint,” she says. “It’s…” She stops. Looks at Anna, then at the floor, then back at Anna. “It’s not a boy.”

There’s a few painful moments of silence. Until she peeks at Anna’s expression. She’s got a huge grin plastered across her face, waiting, and Elsa feels terrified, and then stupid for feeling terrified. But that fear’s not going to go away until Anna says something.

Finally: “Is it that girl? Honeymaren, right?”

And there’s something so uplifting, freeing about it, because Anna guesses Honeymaren with the exact same level of excitement that she guessed Ryder with. Because of course it doesn’t make a difference to Anna.

Elsa nods. “Yeah. It’s her.”

Anna throws out a smile warm enough to melt even Elsa. “Tell me about her.”

This time, Elsa doesn’t try to fight back the tears that are welling up in her eyes. These are good tears. Happiness, relief, love. “She’s… amazing,” she says. “I just feel so connected to her. Like I was meant to be with her. She’s taught me so much about the forest, and about myself. She listens to me. She makes me happy.”

Anna uses her thumb to brush the tears off Elsa’s cheeks. “That’s all I want. For you to be happy.”

Elsa rests her head on Anna’s shoulder, smiling through her tears. “I was worried you’d be upset that it’s a girl.”

Anna takes Elsa in her arms. “Elsa, nothing you do will ever upset me if it’s what makes you happy. If being with Honeymaren makes you happy, I support you with everything in me. I’m rooting for you one hundred percent.”

Elsa wipes away the tears that are continuing to spill over. “Thank you for saying that.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Anna squeezes her tightly. “You’ll bring Honeymaren over for charades next time, won’t you?”

Elsa gives a laugh. “Oh, I definitely will.”

Anna rubs her shoulder for a few moments before letting out a gasp. “Elsa, you missed dinner! When was the last time you ate?” She looks down at Elsa, but before she can answer, she keeps on talking. “I’m going to make you something.”

Elsa can’t help but laugh at Anna’s almost maternal insistence. “I’m not that hungry,” she says. 

“Hot chocolate, then.”

Elsa knows Anna isn’t going to give up until she gets _something_ in her body, so she goes along with it.

“Hot chocolate,” she agrees.

There’s still a world of unanswered questions, like how will Honeymaren feel about Elsa telling her sister about them, and will they ever tell everybody back in the enchanted forest, but all at once, Elsa decides that she doesn’t need to answer them right this moment. The important questions, she already knows the answer to, and the answer is Honeymaren. Everything else can wait.

For now, it’s enough to sit and drink hot chocolate with her sister and know that she has the world waiting for her back home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u if u read all the way to here lmao if u enjoyed it please consider liking/commenting/whatever this website's equivalent of that is bc i crave attention like a drug xoxo


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